Nails
by The Neliel Tu
Summary: Nnoitora x Neliel. A series of unrelated drabbles; one shots; whatever. Songs are all from Nine Inch Nails. If there are any other artists, they will be credited. Ratings vary from chapter to chapter.
1. The Only Time

**Rated M**

_**The Only Time**_

_i'm drunk._

_and right now i'm so in love with you._

_and i don't want to think too much about what we should or shouldn't do._

_lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars._

_while the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car._

_nothing quite like the feel of something new._

_maybe i'm all messed up in you._

_this is the only time i really feel alive._

--

She passed him the jug of saki, her eyes glassy; her movements sluggish. He refused it, setting it on the floor beside them. They lay in her room, the shaggy green carpet soft against his bareback.

He was drunk, she was drunk. She did not even bother to remember what had made them begin drinking together in the first place. All she knew was that she had had the jug of saki, and she had offered it to him. He had accepted, and there they were.

"Neliel…I'm so fucking drunk…" he muttered, rubbing his head.

"Me too, Nnoi…Nnoitora…" she returned, rolling onto her stomach, almost unable to pronounce his name.

"Fuck…" he sighed, smiling rather contentedly.

"Nnoitora…" her voice was low, seductive, _yearning._ He could see what she wanted. Even if he was drunk, and she was drunk, he could still satisfy her, and himself as well. He wanted to.

"Yer…drunk…Neliel…" he mumbled incoherently as she fumbled with her clothing, removing it. It would be the only time that that would not stop him. She, for that night, for the time she was drunk, was his.

"I…know…" she returned, her eyes wide, as though in awe at the fact. She almost found herself in disbelief at what she had done, what he had done, and what they were about to do.

It was something new. There was nothing like it, there would be nothing like it.

"Nnoitora…" she whispered, her hands fisting in his hair and pulling his head to hers. She kissed him, passionately, the drink in her speaking to her actions, and making her his, and his alone. For just one night, the only time she would ever be submissive. The only time he would have control.

He was so in love with her, at that moment. She was the sun, the moon, and the stars. She was everything, and she was his.

He pressed her against the floor, rolling her over so that he was on top, and it was her bare back pressing into the shaggy carpet. She did not protest, but pressed against him, her arms wrapped tightly about him.

"Oh…Nnoitora…" she whispered, her eyes half closed, the golden depths limpid in her desire for him. His hands ran down her sides, raising her desire, raising her heartbeat, raising her temperature, and raising his own desire.

"Neliel, I'm gonna fuck you." He mumbled, grinning sloppily. She whimpered softly as his fingers slipped inside of her, her hips bucking upwards involuntarily. She _wanted_ him to fuck her. He could tell by her wetness, by her legs falling apart, wide open, just for him. _Only_ for him.

Luckily, he wasn't drunk enough to feel numb. He could feel everything, as could she. It was a question of whether they would remember it later.

Her hands reached desperately for his hard length, but she could not seem to find it. She pouted, and he sighed softly, kissing those pursed lips. Those beautiful, full, pursed lips. Her entire body, he loved. And he would love it all the best he could.

In one easy thrust, he was within her, thrusting hard. She moaned beneath him, one hand falling to the floor to fist in the green carpet. Her other hand entwined in glossy, black locks. He panted as he increased his pace, and she frowned, her mouth wide open as she gasped.

"Oh…Nnoitora…" she moaned, and he continued his love rhythm. She felt herself growing closer and closer to orgasm, and her head fell back as she cried out sharply, then bit her lip to keep from repeating the cry.

His release was soon to follow, and then the slow fall into exhaustion. The alcohol did not help his energy, but he lasted long enough to savor the feeling of a _submissive _Neliel in his arms. If they could be intoxicated all of the time, he would be in heaven. Or, he would gauge his eye out with the monotony of a life like that.

For the moment, he had everything he needed.

He had a drunken, sleeping Neliel Tu Oderschvank in his arms.

He could have sworn that he had found all that he needed in the form of a boozed up Neliel. It would never last. This would be the only time. The only time he would not feel that blood lust toward her. The only time that he would love her. The only time that he would admit to that love.

"This…is th'on'y time…I love ya, Nel-yel."

--

_i swear._

_i just found everything i need._

_the sweat in your eyes the blood in your veins are listening to me._

_well i want to wrap it up and swim in it until i drown._

_my moral standing is lying down_


	2. Closer

_**Closer**_

_You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings_

_You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything_

_Help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell_

_Help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else_

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_I want to feel you from the inside_

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_My whole existence is flawed_

_You get me closer to god_

--

He battled his way through the sands of Hueco Mundo, desperately expending effort to return to Las Noches again. Secretly, he hoped for her to appear, to save him from becoming swallowed up in the sand.

He could smell her on the wind that suddenly whipped inky locks and gritty sand into his face. He could smell her sex, though she wasn't horny, and even if she was, it was not for him.

He knew she was coming. He knew he wanted to fuck her, like the animal he knew she was, deep down inside. The two of them shared that bestial quality, though she hid it so well, through that indifference, that so-called "logic" of hers.

He hated her mental presence; he loved her physical presence.

Soon enough, she was there, looking down on him. He had lost consciousness somewhere in the time she had been making her way to him, with relative ease, naturally. He took her in, the aloof expression, the cold gaze he was caught in.

"The fuck did you save me for, Neliel?"

"I don't care to repeat myself, but since you do not learn, I will have to. I did not save you, I merely put an end to your killings."

"Shut the fuck up." He grumbled.

"Can you stand, Nnoitora?" she asked. He scoffed.

"Yeah, of course I can fucking stand." He muttered.

"Stand, then." She demanded. He attempted to rise, but found he was far too fatigued. He'd be damned if he would ask for her help, but he needed it. He needed her to make him perfect.

The use he had for her was far from conventional. He intended to get rid of her. Not kill her by any means, but get rid of her. She would never reach his blade, but at least she would be alive to crawl back and try again.

"Give me five minutes…fuck…fuck…" he muttered, panting harshly. She scoffed and sat near him, crossing her legs. She had patience; she could wait. She could wait for as long as it would take.

He was determined to rise, however.

She watched him struggle, she watched him writhe at her feet. She watched the pain he went through in order to complete such a simple task. What a shame that he had wasted his energy so foolishly.

"Stop trying so hard." She commanded, her voice hard. He scoffed at her, continuing his painful struggle with his legs, and muscle functions.

"Fuck you." He mumbled, finally managing to rise after such a struggle, the sweat pouring down his face in rivulets. She sighed and shook her head, standing on her own, with great ease, an ease that made his struggle all the more futile, and she accentuated her ease.

He groaned his discontent, but there was nothing he could do but follow her back to Las Noches, and attack her once returned to the safety of the great palace. Of course, she would block him, and he would let the stream of filthy obscenities leak from his mouth, but there was no way he'd change that. Not even for a night in her bed.

Well, perhaps that something was worth it.

She got him closer to the position he so craved, that closeness to Aizen-sama himself. The more he fought with her, the closer he was to God. The closer he grew to God, the less flawed his own existence became.

He could never kill her, though. She knew that, he knew it. Neither of them would reveal the knowledge, but they both knew.

She kept him alive. She forced him to live. Because of her, Nnoitora lived. She refused to kill him; she refused to let him die in the desert. He wanted to defeat her. He always came back to her for more.

He simply could not help himself.

She was the sole reason he stayed alive.

"Neliel…" he muttered, moving to attack her, only to be shoved aside by a swift, well-placed hand. He grumbled his displeasure, fallen to his knees and panting, the sweat dripping into his eyes.

"You bitch."

"I refuse to draw my blade against the likes of you. Do not speak to me as if I am your equal."

He lived for the day when he would be her equal.

--

_I drink the honey inside your hive_

_You are the reason I stay alive_


	3. Sin, Part I

_**Sin (Part I)**_

_You give me the reason._

_You give me control._

_I gave you my Purity._

_My Purity you stole._

_Did you think I wouldn't recognize this compromise._

_Am I just too stupid to realize._

_Stale incense old sweat and lies lies lies_

_It comes down to this._

_Your kiss._

_Your fist._

_And your strain._

_It get's under my skin._

_Within._

_Take in the extent of my sin_

Neliel had a reason. Of course she did. Nnoitora gave her the control she had. His rough ways, his anger at her power, his bestiality, it all made her powerful. She was drunk on the power; she was so drunk on it that she did not realize what she had given him in return for those things that she had taken from him, at least, not at first.

He had stolen her purity. She was no fool. She knew their compromise, as secret as they kept it. In return for her control, her reason, she gave him her purity. He stole it, but she gave it.

She let him get under her skin. She did not show it, she retained her control, but the way he attacked her with every chance he had got to her after a while. She had no reason to kill him, but he was working on giving her one. If he could give her the reason, she would kill him. She would, she really would.

If only he could kill her in return, she would kill him. He was a beast, not realizing that sometimes he could not just kill everything in sight. There may not be redemption for them, and their sin, but that did not mean that his killing was justified.

She still believed that perhaps she could be redeemed, though not so much once she had given her purity to him; once he had stolen her purity from her.

She refused to believe that there was no salvation, that her sin was so unforgivable.

She wanted redemption; she craved it above all things. She could not have it.

The sweat beading on her face, his hips thrusting into her…

She remembered it all too well, nothing like the way he remembered it, probably.

He probably remembered it as 'the best fuck ever.' She remembered it as sin, as nothing but pleasure gained through compromise.

He gave her control; she gave him purity.

Even if her body was impure, her mind retained that unstained state. She was sure that she was still Neliel Tu Oderschvank, and no one else. A night with Nnoitora did not change things.

No matter how good the sex had been, Neliel did not intend to let it happen again. There was no need for her to couple with Nnoitora. She was impure, but perhaps if she never touched him again, she could be redeemed. The thought of being damned never crossed Neliel's mind.

Of course, she knew that it was a constant thought in Nnoitora's mind, but she did not care.

No amount of lust could change her mind. Even though nights of dreaming about that one shameful night passed by too often, too many to count, she would not cave in.

Her purity was already lost. She did not understand the point of deprivation at times.

She knew that Nnoitora got his satisfaction, and she was sure the only voice in his head, the only face in his eyes belonged to her. All of his dreams, all of his thoughts were her.

She knew of his obsession. She could not say whether or not she cared.

She had a reason to end his killings, despite his delusion that he was being saved by her. She had no use for saving him. She could have let him destroy himself, but his killings simply had to end.

He would learn someday, she had faith in that hope.

His fist hurtled at her, but she blocked it with ease.

What she could not bear to block was his kiss; his kiss that settled upon her lips with such ease. She could not bear to turn it away, especially with her lust running so high. She could not remember how long it had been since he had stolen her purity; since she had given him her purity, but she knew she could not bear to turn him down.

She had to return the kiss; she had to give in. She could no longer deny her body's urges, its needs.

She wanted him within her, satisfying her sexual and masochistic needs, urges, everything.

She would have him. He could not resist her, either.

It came down to this every time.

His kiss, and his fist, and their sin, it was all of that, and more.

She would no longer resist those advances; at least, not this time.

She would enjoy his body as he enjoyed hers.

The ripping of her clothes, the long fingers curling and uncurling on her stomach, and eventually diving upward into her warm and almost willing sheath, all of it enticed her. She needed his body, his sex. She needed the sin.

The diving long fingers made her want to sin more than anything ever had, her undulating body made her harder to resist, her entrance slowly becoming wet for him as he teased her.

She would never admit to wanting this, not even to herself.

She knew he loved to hear her scream his name, which was why she did not. She knew he loved to make her come, which was why she pretended that she did not. Eventually, she had to give in; she had to let him know she needed him without words.

He denied his manhood to her if she did not. He told her he'd find someone else, even if he had to force the unfortunate victim.

Just this once, she would not deny him her body. She refused to let it happen for a third time, lest it happen for a fourth, a fifth…

She let him steal her purity in exchange for her control.

His hips driving deep within her were too much to pass up. Even if it never happened again, and she refused to let it, she would remember every feeling he had given to her. No one would take of her the way he had been allowed to. She only allowed him to because of the control he gave her without realizing.

Maybe she was a fool after all, for not realizing how much this compromise hurt her.

Her body wanted him. Her body was the only honest part of her being. It could not deny him; it could not lie.

Her hands fisted in the sand, her knees supported her weight as he gripped her hips and slammed into her from behind.

She had no thoughts except for her sin, and how much she enjoyed sinning. It was too good.

If she had to choose what she hated the most about it, it was their position.

The way he took her under him, and made her into an animal, made himself into an animal, degraded her, and she knew he wanted it that way.

She denied the bestial side of herself, or she tried to. She did not know how or why, but Nnoitora had discovered it.

He had never seen her resureccion. He had never seen her true form. He would never know that she was more of a beast than she considered him.

She refused to let him see that, even as she responded so willingly to his delicious motions. Secretly, it was her favorite position, the only one in which she could ever gain full pleasure. Secretly, she loved being degraded.

She was a masochist, after all.

His hard length pushing deep within her from behind drove her ever closer to that sought after orgasm.

His fingers clawing at her pale skin drew blood, but she did not mind. The short-lived sting and pain was overshadowed by the pleasure he gave her. Perhaps it heightened it.

She cried out her orgasm involuntarily. The cry pleased him, and she knew it. She knew it from the warm liquid she felt within her. She knew it from his muttered obscenities that strangely enough, sounded like endearing terms.

She knew it from the way he collapsed upon her, trying to squeeze the life from her in a crushing embrace.

She knew she had him. She knew it all.

She simply did not care any longer. She would deny her body's needs. She had to.

She had to overcome him and his bloodlust.


	4. Sin, Part II

_**Sin (Part II)**_

_You give me the anger._

_You give me the nerve._

_Carry out my sentence._

_While I get what I deserve._

_I'm just an effigy to be disgraced._

_To be defaced._

_Your need for me has been replaced._

_And if I can't have everything well then just give me a taste._

"Fuck…you…"

The blood dripped into his eyes, giving Neliel a red hue as he glared at her from his defeated position, lying sprawled out on the pure white sand, tainting it with his blood. The white grit clung to the blood that covered him, giving it a more congealed look.

She gave him the anger he held. She caused it, and he would believe nothing else. He was just someone who she could disgrace.

She had no need for him, and he could not understand why that infuriated him so. Her superiority pissed him off. The way she talked down to him, and treated him as nothing more than the dirt she walked upon.

She could walk upon him.

He was just something she could disgrace. She did so with such ease, proving that mentally and physically, she was stronger than him.

"Fuck…you…"

"If you cannot stand, I will leave you here."

"To die?"

Her eyes narrowed, the cold gaze sending an involuntary shiver through Nnoitora. He hated the effect that something intangible had on him.

"Whether or not you die is up to you." She stated calmly, before turning.

"Wait…" he choked out, shoving his blade into the sand and using the shaft to bring himself to a standing position.

This was the woman who had fucked him with such passion before?

This was the woman whose purity he had stolen?

Her need for him had gone. She no longer needed his body; he had been replaced. By who or what, Nnoitora could not say for certain.

He could no longer have everything, but he wanted a taste.

He lunged forward, only to be blocked by her swift hand, as always.

It was different, this time. She held him a foot away from her face, her golden eyes menacingly icy, as she looked him over.

"Fuck…" Nnoitora muttered.

It was almost as if she had known he had planned to kiss her.


	5. Ruiner

_**Ruiner**_

_You had all of them on your side, didn't you?_

_You believed in all your lies, didn't you?_

_The ruiner's got a lot to prove he's got nothing to lose and now he made you believe_

_The ruiner's your only friend well he's the living end to the cattle he deceives_

_The raping of the innocent you know the ruiner ruins everything he sees_

_Now the only pure thing left in my fucking world is wearing your disease_

She thought she had it all.

Neliel Tu Oderschvank, the goddess gracing the spot of tricero espada. Yeah fucking right.

Nnoitora Jiruga knew better, oh, did he know!

She would fall from grace. He would be the one to take her from that grace.

He had nothing to lose, and she knew it, but she had the power to deceive him.

She had made a mistake—she had made Nnoitora hate her.

He had been her friend once. Once upon a time, they had spoken to each other with respect, and the mutual trust in each other, the trust that they would never betray one another, the trust that they would protect each other from harm.

There was only one thing that they could not protect each other from.

That only thing was the two of them; they could not protect themselves from each other.

She would continue to degrade him, for she had discovered his weakness, she had discovered his strength.

Perhaps he had been deceiving her as well.

Perhaps she believed in all of her lies. Perhaps she believed in every word she spoke.

He sure as hell didn't.

There was no way in hell she was right, they were still fucking hollow. They were still instinctual beings. Just because they had reason and logic did not mean they had to use it.

She would learn. And he would be rid of the disease that manifested itself as her.

_You had to give them all a sign, didn't you?_

_You had to covet what was mine, didn't you?_

_The ruiner's a collector he's an infector serving his shit to his flies_

_Maybe there will come a day when those that you keep blind will suddenly realize_

_Maybe it's a part of me you took to a place I hoped it would never go_

_And maybe that fucked me up so much more than you'll ever know_

The thing that Nnoitora hated the most about Neliel was the fact that she was the tricero espada. Before they had become espada, before they had known they were powerful beings, he had never thought she was stronger than him.

She could not be stronger.

But she had taken what was rightfully his. He should have been the third espada instead of what he was, the octavo.

She made him feel inadequate simply by existing. She had never made him feel inadequate before becoming an espada.

Even though Neliel had been the one who had brought him to Las Noches to begin with, she had destroyed a part of him by doing such.

He had become a battle hungry beast. She had known him as a beast, and for some reason, the image would not change.

She could not say what had made her bring him along with her to the great building, which housed the divine espada, and arrancar, but she was glad she had done so. At least, for a while, she was.

She realized what had happened, and she had tried to make him blind to it all.

But he had realized suddenly, and she knew he wanted to destroy her. He would have his wish and he would make her fall from grace.

With his blade, he would crack her skull, he would leave a scar, and she would never reach his power. She would never fight him again; she would never defeat him.

He was confident in this; nothing could change it.

_What you gave to me_

_My perfect ring of scars_

_You know I can see what you really are_

_You didn't hurt me nothing can hurt me_

_You didn't hurt me nothing can stop me now_

She would never be safe from her rivalry with Nnoitora. The only way to escape would be death, his death, or her death.

The fact that she regained her adult form to fight him one last time proved it.

The scar across her face from him proved that once, he had won. But this time, she would win.

She refused to let him hurt Ichigo, her friend.

She knew what he was. She knew that she could kill him so easily.

She would not kill him, but she would end this rivalry. She would not let him hurt her. Nothing could hurt her; he had never hurt her like she had hurt him.

Her eyes flashed the truth, and he saw it. He knew that he had never hurt her; he knew then that she was stronger than he had thought.

And he knew then that he was defeated. He knew then that she had him cornered.

That is, until her sudden reverting to her child form. What a joy it had been to stomp on her skull!

Nothing could stop him, once he had the great Neliel defeated. Nothing could stop him, except for death.

_How did you get so big?_

_How did you get so strong?_

_How did you get so hard?_


	6. Echoplex

_(A/N: Don't ask me why, but I really, really, really like this one! Maybe it's just me coming off of a hiatus, I don't know. Sometimes not writing for a while helps. Except, a week really isn't all that long... _

_Anyway, I'm about to go off and do something like this, but not in this, because I don't really care to have this turn into like, a 50 chapter story if it doesn't need to be. _

_I'm pretty much in love with Nel and Nnoitora at the moment. Such a great pairing. And such a long author note. I apologize! Read and review, please? I'll...shut up if you do!)_

&

_**Echoplex**_

_Nice and high and far apart_

_Just like they said_

_I built this place with broken parts_

_Just like they said_

_You chip away the old version of you_

_You'd be surprised at what you can do_

_I'm safe in here _

_Irrelevant _

_Just like they said_

_My voice just echoes off these walls_

&

He built a refuge, a secret hideaway, far from Las Noches. There were no parts of it that were not broken. He was safe there, safe from _her_, the one who followed him; the one who controlled him.

There, he could think and breathe, without her breathing down his neck.

Nnoitora had to be alone, like they, whoever they were, had said. Those voices in his head, they told him what to do, how to get away. It was the other voices that he would not listen to.

"Fucking bitch…" he muttered, but his voice only echoed, and bounced back to his ears. "Neliel…that bitch…" he only heard 'Neliel' bouncing back at him, invading his ears, and filling him with visuals of her.

The green haired beauty disguised what she really was.

He didn't care. He could never care. Strangely enough, he did care.

He would never admit to it. He would never admit the hideous feelings he felt for Neliel Tu Oderschvank, self-righteous bitch that she was.

She was high on her power; he was high in his broken fortress. They were far apart, just like the voices had told him.

Her prideful voice would never echo in his walls. Her perfect body would never enter his domain. Yet, he wished it would. Even if he wanted her to find him, and even if he wanted her to come inside, she would not.

He could care less what she did; he did not want her presence anywhere near him. The precious minutes he spent alone were not enough to wash her stain off of his skin. At least, that was the way he thought.

She hated him, she had to, for the way she treated him. In return, he offered his hate, his animosity.

Soon enough, she would get hers.

Soon enough, he would get his.

&

_You feel me breathe _

_I am watching you_

_I see it all_

_The many ways you can't get to me_

_I see it all_

_I see the hell you put yourself through_

_Oh, the things I could do (If I wanted to)_

&

Neliel found him, laying face down in the sand. She watched him struggle, she watched him fail. She knew he could feel her breathing; she did not care.

She saw everything, especially all of the ways he could not reach her. He locked himself away, and she knew, he loved her dearly, and she knew.

He did not know he loved her dearly, and she knew.

She saw it all. She saw everything. She watched him, her golden eyes cold and narrow, and her voice echoing off of invisible walls, though she did not speak, she could hear her voice.

She was not thinking.

He was imagining her voice.

She did not understand it; she did not understand why he fought so hard, why he put himself through hell.

All the things she could do to help him, she knew them, but she did not want to. She did not help him, even though she saved his life.

She was only saving his life so that he could hold a miserable existence for a while longer. It was not to aid him in any way, and she knew how he suffered. She knew that she was only prolonging his pain and his suffering.

She would not have it any other way. He could beg, he could plead, but she would never take his life.

He was weaker than she; she was a sadist.

She liked to see him writhe at her feet. She liked to see him in pain.

She veiled that mild streak of sadism through her extending his longevity.

She could do so many things to aid him; she could end his life.

She would not. Neliel did not believe ending his life was necessary. Her fun would end with his end. She did not want that.

She needed him simply because he needed her. Once he was gone, or she was gone, what would happen then?

She would have nothing, and he would have nothing. Neither one would admit it, but they needed each other.

&

_My voice just echoes off these walls_

_My voice just echoes off these walls_

_I don't need anything at all_

_My voice just echoes off these walls _

_And I just slowly fade away_

_You will never ever get to me in here_

&

He heard her voice, but he did not see her.

He remained in his safe, fortress, one place where she could not reach him. He slowly drifted away.

He could not think, feel, or even breathe.

He felt himself fading but did not want to do anything about it.

His only thoughts were that Neliel would never get to him in there.

Her voice would never echo off of his walls.

Her voice would never reach him.

Neliel would no longer get to him on any level.

Death was something he welcomed, certainly.

She could no longer do anything to save him, for she was as good as dead herself, and he no longer cared.

He just hoped she wasn't there to meet him on the other side. He did not think he could take another lifetime with her, let alone eternity.

Knowing Neliel, she'd be there waiting, or she'd follow him. She'd always be following him.

Knowing that only made him want to die faster.


	7. Sanctified

_(A/N: Oh, I've been wanting to write this one for SUCH a long time._

_I think it turned out well. I hope so, anyway. I love it to bits._

_I think it'd be a K. Hah, or maybe a T. Oh well, I love it, and I hope you guys do, too.)_

_**&**_

_**Sanctified lyrics**_

_It's still getting worse after everything I've tried._

_What if I found a way to wash it all aside._

_What if she touches with those fingertips,_

_As the words spill out like fire from her lips?_

_And if she says come inside I'll come inside for her._

_If she says give it all I'll give everything to her._

_I am justified. I am purified. I am sanctified. Inside you_

_Heaven's just a rumor she'll dispel._

_As she walks me through the nicest parts of hell._

_I still dream of lips I never should have kissed._

_Well she knows exactly what I can't resist_

_I'm still caught up in another of her spells._

_Well she's turning me into someone else._

_Everyday I hope and pray this will end._

_But when I can I do it all again_

_As surely as the blade's course is run._

_Maybe my kingdom's finally come_

_&_

Nnoitora stared in awe, in disbelief, and in disgust. All of it, however, was veiled.

Before him was Neliel Tu Oderschvank. She had to be the Devil. He swore up and down to himself that that was the only reason she could get to him so much.

Her words burned him; they made him feel sick, they made him feel like dying.

He would do anything for her, if only she asked. He loathed himself for that.

He could not help but wonder what would happen to him if she touched him with those fingertips, as she spoke to him in her superior tone. Would he still wish for her death? Or would he wish to hold her in his arms, and give all he had to her.

He hated the former thought almost as much as he hated the latter.

"Nnoitora…" her voice echoed in his head, and he sighed, closing his eye and turning his face from her. For once, she led the way through the colonies, and for once, they looked nice.

Nnoitora knew, however, that it was hell. She walked him through the nice parts, just to show him that Heaven was only a rumor. Heaven was nowhere, no matter what people liked to say. She knew that, yet still she wished for redemption.

He wished he had never kissed those lips of hers, those beautiful, full, perfect kissable lips. He wanted her, and she knew it.

He had tried so hard to rid himself of thoughts of her, but he found that he could not wash her from his conscience. He could not rid himself of the thoughts of her. He could not help it that he wanted to do everything he could for her, but at the same time, he did not want to do anything at all for her.

He wanted her dead.

He would be justified if he could sleep with her, for just one night. At least, he thought it would be that way.

She kept him under a spell. She made him hers. Her toy, her plaything, and he were nothing more than a game to her.

The way she walked toward him as the blood fell from his open wounds; the neutral expression she held on her face.

He did not understand how she made herself so irresistible to him, but somehow, she did. He knew that she was making him become someone else; she was changing him.

He wished it would end; he knew he would do it again.

He tried everything to get rid of her. What if he'd found a way to wash her aside?

"You are weaker than I."

The fire falling from her lips and the words that set him aflame.

She took him through the colonies; she let him see it all. She let him see the fact that they lived in a rumor, a myth. Their precious Aizen-sama could not offer redemption; he could not offer Heaven.

The night she kissed him was the night he tried to give her everything. It was a night of realization, and of decision.

That night, he decided she would be gone.

He would wash Las Noches of the stain that she had left.

She would never taint him with her superiority again.

She told him to come inside, and he did.

She told him to kiss her, and he did.

She told him that she wanted him, and he believed her.

She told him to leave, and he did.

He wished it would end, for he could no longer endure her torture.

He knew, if given the chance, he would do it all again.

He just wished he had never kissed her. He wished he had never given himself a taste of what could have been. He wished he did not lust after her so, even though she would never return, and he would never face her.

He would never see her as an adult again. He would never have the chance to take what he deserved from her, what he should have demanded that night.

How could he demand anything from her when she would not tell him to?

His blade's course had been run. He had done everything he could, and he had found a way to wash Neliel Tu Oderschvank aside.

He hadn't thought of her ever returning to Las Noches, or regaining her adult form.


	8. Please

_**Please**_

_This is how_

_It begins_

_Push it away but it all comes back again_

_All the flesh_

_All the sin_

_There was a time when it used to mean just about everything_

_Just like now_

"You can't hurt me."

"I can't?" her voice was pure, clean, sweeping. His eye closed, and he smirked confidently.

"You'd be alone."

"That's if I kill you, Nnoitora." She said softly. "I could hurt you."

"Hurt me? How?" he smirked, and her body was on his suddenly. His eye widened, and she kissed him. He never noticed her blatant nudity until she was upon him, her luscious body pressing against his.

Neliel was his. She had been his. She had given him her body; she had given him her love, once. Maybe now she was not giving of her love, but she still gave of her body. He liked to think she took his body, for really, she did.

She pressed against him, her breasts brushing against his bare chest. The long nights in the sand were cold, and she needed his warmth against her. He could care less, but her body was a comfort that he would not refuse.

_Breathe, echoing the sound_

_Time starts slowing down_

_Sink until I drown_

_(Please) I don't ever want to make it stop_

His breath warmed her skin; her breath echoed his. She whispered sweet nothings into his ear, and surprised herself by the romance she had put into what they were doing.

He felt as though time had slowed down.

She felt as though she was sinking, but she wanted to drown.

His muscular hands grasped her hips, closing around them, and pulling her into his lap. She whimpered, for she felt his manhood against her buttocks, and she very much wished for him to be inside of her.

Time continued to slow down, and she didn't ever want to let it stop.

She wanted to continue on this way.

She wanted him to complete her.

She wanted him inside of her.

_And it keeps repeating_

_Will you please complete me?_

_Never be enough_

_To fill me up_

Nnoitora shifted slightly, pressing her light body into the sand.

Somehow, she knew that his love, even if she had it, would never be enough to fill her up.

She wanted his love, despite it all.

Her legs fell open for him. Her head rolled back, making a round indentation in the sand.

He pressed her long body into the sand, driving into her with his hard length, not caring for her pleasure, but making sure she gained it.

The mewls and whimpers Neliel made were rather satisfying to him, though he really hated to admit that. She was simply his companion, someone to spend the long nights of Hueco Mundo with.

The fact that she would sleep with him was a bonus.

_Watch the white_

_Turn to red_

His fingers moved up and down her stomach, then his nails dug into her white skin, dragging down to her hips, and leaving the white to turn to red.

The blood oozed out onto her otherwise immaculate skin, and she knew that he would be the only one to make her bleed.

After all, the blood was an effect to heighten her pleasure.

Her cry of ecstatic triumph, and her muscle tightening, resulted in Nnoitora's creamy tribute, and his pants of effort. He lay on her breasts, catching his breath, and eventually drawing her into his arms.

_Now everything is clear_

_I erase the fear_

_I can disappear_

_(Please) I don't ever want to make it stop_

_You can never leave me_

_Will you please complete me?_

Everything was clear to Neliel. She erased her fear. She erased Nnoitora's fear.

Simply by being together, there was no need for them to fear.

"Neliel…where are you going?"

"To find something to eat."

"You can't just leave me, dammit!"

"Can't I? It is not as though I will be gone for long, Nnoitora!"

He tried not to take her superior tone as an affront to his masculinity, for he knew that was simply the way she spoke.

She could not help it, and he wouldn't want her to change it.

"I'll go with you." He said. "Can't let anything happen to ya." He muttered, and she sighed. She chafed under his overprotection of her. She wished to return the favor some day.

She loved him. She could endure that slight to her pride for the sake of her feelings.

She could disappear. She could leave.

"You don't need to, Nnoitora. I'll be fine." She said softly, her eyes pleading with him.

His arm snaked around her waist, pulling her closer. "You won't fucking share if you find something tasty on your own, dammit."

She didn't want to ever let this end. She loved him, and she knew it.

She did not care if he did not return her feelings.

"I can't leave you?"

"Never." Nnoitora returned.

"You're right." Neliel sighed, pressing against him, and resting in his embrace for the moment.

"Damn straight."

"Please…complete me," she murmured, and he frowned at her.

"What?" he had heard her.

"Nothing." She blushed, and looked away, then pulled away. "Let's go." She said. He scoffed at her.

"Crazy ass…"

"Nnoitora…" her hand trailed behind her, and he knew she wanted him to take it.

He did, for he felt as though by taking her hand, he was proving that she was his.

As he lay on his bed, in Las Noches, years upon years later, revisiting those memories, he found his body aching for her.

_There was a time when it used to mean just about everything_

_Just like now_

She meant everything then, and she meant everything at that moment.

Neliel had changed drastically after gaining her rank. At least, he had thought so, when she really had not changed one bit.

She followed him, rather than him following her.

Any good will he had toward her had disappeared with her voicing that he was "Weaker than she."

The thought had never occurred to him that it was payback for what he had done to her.

_You can never leave me_

_Will you please complete me?_


	9. Every Day Is Exactly The Same

_**Every Day Is Exactly The Same**_

_I believe I can see the future_

_Cause I repeat the same routine_

_I think I used to have a purpose_

_But then again_

_That might have been a dream_

_I think I used to have a voice_

_Now I never make a sound_

_I just do what I've been told_

_I really don't want them to come around_

_There is no love here and there is no pain_

_Every day is exactly the same_

It had always been easy for Neliel Tu Oderschvank. She kept that a secret. Once, she had thought she had a purpose in life. Once, she thought the lightweight of her life mattered. Perhaps to one person, it did.

All she knew was that every day was exactly the same. It kept on repeating, and she knew that the next day would be the same, or at least very similar.

She thought once she had spoken out. She thought that once she had tried to stop it from becoming so monotonous, but she had no means to do so, and her will had long since dissipated into mind numbing devotion to her lord Aizen-sama.

She retained her consciousness. She remained the same. She was a strong individual, and not only in the physical sense. She did what she was told. She followed her orders strictly, word for word. If ever the word "kill" were in her orders, she would certainly do just that. It was rare for her orders to pertain to anything but seeking out the vasto lorde.

She followed Nnoitora. She did what she was told. She kept him from destroying her precious work. Aizen-sama needed the vasto lorde, and she was going to do everything in her power to build his army. Nnoitora Jiruga's wanton destruction of every weaker being put a major snag in her mission.

There was no love between them. That was what Neliel liked to tell herself. She liked to think that the fact that the hideous tension between them was a feeling akin to hatred. She knew it was otherwise, yet she lied.

She knew she had to do what she was told. She could not risk falling into the mercy of any soldier crueler than Nnoitora. Nnoitora could never kill her anyway, and that she knew. He lusted after her destruction, but sometimes destruction meant sparing a life. He could not kill her.

Sometimes Neliel felt that the free will that once she had possessed had been but a dream, a pleasant dream, but only a dream. She could wish and hope that once she had owned a voice, and a purpose, but that did not make it so.

She was in the possession of Aizen Sosuke, the godly shinigami; the traitor. He was her god. He was everything she could hope to look up to.

There was no pain in his service. She suffered by missing out on the love she wished for above all. It was simply another of Neliel Tu Oderschvank's well-kept secrets. Secretly, she was in love with Nnoitora. She had to let that remain hidden, for if he were to learn of it, he would know of her inner weakness for him.

Even though the lanky bastard compromised her missions, and her goals, she loved him.

She knew that he surely did not return the feeling. She also knew that he did return it.

_I can feel their eyes are watching_

_In case I lose myself again_

_Sometimes I think I'm happy here_

_Sometimes, yet I still pretend_

_I can't remember how this got started_

_But I can tell you exactly how it will end_

_I'm writing on a little piece of paper_

_I'm hoping someday you might find_

_Well I'll hide it behind something_

_They won't look behind_

_I'm still inside here_

_A little bit comes bleeding through_

_I wish this could have been any other way_

_But I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do_

She had once let herself drift to the empty, bleak desert, her mind lost. She knew she could not let that happen again. She knew that she was being watched; she knew that they would not hesitate to swoop down upon her if she slipped.

She could not say who "they" were or what their purpose was, but she knew that they watched her. She knew she could not let herself slip. She could not lose herself ever again. She was too afraid that she would lose Nnoitora if she lost herself.

She thought she was happy; she let herself pretend. She knew she could be happy, but she could not love. She did love, and so her happiness could not exist.

"I don't need your pity, bitch." He growled up at her, and she found herself wondering how this had ever begun. She could not remember. She was not sure she wanted to, for she already knew how it would end. She knew it would be painful, but at least she would feel something.

"I don't recall ever giving of my pity." She returned after a long pause. She was not sure he had heard her, but his grunt of disapproval was enough to show that he had been listening.

"Aw, fuck off." He muttered halfheartedly and walked away. She followed him silently, knowing it would end soon. She knew she had pushed him to the brink time and time again, but she had only been trying to strengthen him—or possibly she had been trying to strengthen herself. She could not say which.

She had a terrible feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. She felt that he would destroy her, and worse still was that she wanted him to. She wanted him to kill her, but he was still too weak to finish her off. He was weak in his mind.

She sat in her room on what she felt was her last evening in the hell that was Las Noches. She sighed to herself, knowing that she could never voice her feelings to Nnoitora. She could never tell him how she loved him.

She caught sight of a slip of paper sitting upon her nightstand, and she picked it up, turning it over several times to discover again and again that it was blank.

She wrote upon it, her handwriting neat and legible.

She would hide it somewhere Nnoitora would look, but somewhere it would not be found. She had to find something she could hide it behind. She knew he would look through her room once she was gone.

Sighing as she folded the small piece of paper, she tucked it behind her large dresser. It was the only thing attached to the floor, and they would never look there.

She hoped Nnoitora would find it. She hoped it even as his blade slid through her flesh, cracking her skull mask and ripping her face open, the blood flung throughout the air.

Just before she lost consciousness, in her final moments as an adult, she found herself thinking that she was about to forget her love for Nnoitora. She was relieved to fall face first, for it hid the tears she shed.

As she had predicted, Nnoitora had been the first to go through her room.

He saw a corner of mint green poking out from behind her immovable dresser. He picked it up; he unfolded it.

_Nnoitora,_

_I could not hide my feelings for you forever, but I certainly tried. It's really a shame that you are going to destroy everything I am, but in a strange way, I am glad that it will be you, and not someone else. I wished to be free of this place again, and I know that you will grant me that freedom. Despite that, I love you, and I always have. That is why I can never be happy. You are still too weak to kill me, and I am sure you'll only reduce me. Even so, I love you. Goodbye. _

_-Neliel Tu Oderschvank_

Nnoitora refolded the little piece of paper and tucked it within a fold in his uniform.

"Stupid bitch."

She was still inside of him. She remained in Las Noches because she, the adult Neliel, lived on in his memories, while the child version of the once proud espada ran through the desert.

She did not know what else she could have done. She did not know how she could have stopped him, but she wished it could have happened any other way. She did not know what else she could do.

"Stupid fucking bitch." _I love you, too._


	10. I'm Looking Forward To Joining You

_**I'm Looking Forward To Joining You, Finally**_

_As black as the night can get_

_Everything is safer now_

_There's always a way to forget_

_Once you learn to find a way how_

_In the blur of serenity_

_Where did everything get lost?_

_The flowers of naïveté_

_Buried in a layer of frost_

Neliel had gone from Nel-sama to just Nel.

A child, a mere child, was what Neliel Tu Oderschvank; the strong, beautiful tricero espada had been reduced to. She had been exiled to the bleak, black and gray desert. How could Nnoitora have ever known that she was far safer out there than at Las Noches?

She had forgotten who she was.

She had even forgotten her own name for a little while. She had no idea who the strange hollows that were with her, their masks broken, were.

It was Nnoitora's fault, but she could barely remember who he was. She learned everything again through the others. She knew so much that Dondochakka and Pesche sometimes thought that she had retained her memories.

They could not let her return to Las Noches. It was too dangerous, they could not let her remember.

All of the times she'd had in Las Noches, the blood, the violence, it was not meant for their Neliel. She was strong, but she would rather not fight, and her fraccion knew that.

She was not naïve, but she could not remember being an espada. She could not remember who she really was. It was serenity, it was good, it was right.

_Thought he had it all before they called his bluff_

_Found out that his skin just wasn't thick enough_

_Wanted to go back to how it was before_

_Thought he lost everything_

_Then he lost a whole lot more_

_I've done all I can do_

_Could I please come with you?_

_Sweet smell of sunshine_

_I remember sometimes_

He sat upon a sand dune, watching the moon. He would rarely admit it to himself, but he missed Neliel.

She had been his everything, and he had lost her. He had destroyed her. He could not kill her, for he needed to know that she was alive. Without her, he was nothing. He wished he could go back to how it had been.

He had really taken that woman for granted, and he knew it. He stood, and walked out into the desert.

He thought he'd lost everything when she called him weak, and when she defeated him.

When he defeated her, he had lost so much more. He had lost her. He had lost the woman who had meant the most to him. He had lost his rival, the woman he lived to be equal to.

He walked through the desert, the bleak night swallowing him. He saw a small child resting within a valley, two hollows sleeping near her.

She was awake.

Her eyes were open, and watching Nnoitora. He knew who she was. He knew she was the one he had lost.

_Fuck…_

She looked up at him, and she looked helpless, defenseless. She said nothing, but watched him silently.

He could see that secretly, the girl wanted to come to him; she wanted to follow him.

Nel remembered the sunshine in Las Noches, sometimes. The presence of Nnoitora brought it back to her, but she did not know who he was.

She only knew that he knew the sunshine. He knew everything that she did not, but she remembered the sunshine.

She missed that sunshine, but it was the only thing that made living in Las Noches worth it, for it was the only thing Nel Tu remembered.

"Thun…thine." She whispered, but Nnoitora heard.

"Pathetic." He muttered. She heard. "You're pathetic, Neliel." He muttered, and then he was gone.

"Who'th…Neliel?"


	11. Reptile

_**Reptile**_

_She leaves a trail of honey to show me where she's been_

_She has the blood of reptile just underneath her skin_

_Oh my beautiful liar_

_Oh my precious whore_

_My disease my infection_

_I am so impure_

Her fingers left trails along the walls as she walked along slowly. The trails weren't readily visible, but he knew that they were there, and he knew that she had been there.

The sickly sweet imprint of her reiatsu reminded him of rancid honey. She wanted him to know where she had been, and he knew it. The feel of her reiatsu never comforted Nnoitora. He did not want to know that Neliel had set the course he would take.

The blood beneath her skin was that of a reptile. It was cold, and dark. She was a chilling being. She was cold and cruel without ever raising a fist to him.

She lied to him. Even as her body lay beneath him, helpless in desire, she lied to him.

His beautiful liar, and his precious whore, he could not rid himself of the impurity she had stained him with.

His hands cupped her round, perfect hips. He drove within her, biting her to taste her reptile blood. He was surprised to find that it was cold, as he had thought. He did not understand that, nor did he want to.

The sweet scent of her blood and her sex intermingled in the air, and he found he was intoxicated, and filled with disease. She had infected him with her beauty, and her coldness.

As he thrust his hard length within her depths, he thought of his impurity. He did not care. He wanted to care. She made him the way he was. For that, he loved and hated his precious whore all at once.

_Devils speak of the ways in which she'll manifest_

_Angels bleed from the tainted touch of my caress_

_Need to contaminate to alleviate this loneliness_

_I now know the depths I reach are limitless_

It was hard to say just how Neliel Tu Oderschvank would manifest. It was hard to say just what body her evil would claim.

Nnoitora Jiruga could not explain why her body had been such a tempting one, or why she had wished to cover it so much, but she certainly did not act like an evil being.

She especially did not seem evil when he smashed her skull in.

Nnoitora knew better. The things she did to him, and the things she made him feel made her evil. She was a manifestation of the devil himself, she simply had to be.

He had to rid himself of her. He had to get her away.

He made her a child, the purest, most innocent being in existence, without meaning to. As he laughed about how pathetic she was, he thought of the irony. How ironic that such an evil being would be reduced to such innocence.

He was lonely without her, as much as he hated to admit to that. He had to contaminate. He had to taint others with his caress. He had to make them bleed. He could not alleviate his loneliness, as much as he tried. Still, he fastened Neliel's face and voice to the bodies of the countless others that he desecrated.

He knew he had fallen, even though his strength increased. He had fallen so low as to desecrate the bodies of the weak with his tainted caress.

He knew that the hole was endless. He kept on digging, only because his body ached for one, and only one. That body, of course, being one that he could never possess again.

His depths were limitless. He could not keep from falling further and further. He could not stop the loneliness from claiming him, no matter how hard he tried.

He wished he had never taken Neliel Tu Oderschvank for granted.


	12. Hurt

_**Hurt**_

_I hurt myself today  
To see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain  
The only thing that's real_

_Trying to kill it all away_

_But I remember everything_

_Beneath the stains of time  
The feelings disappear  
You are someone else  
I am still right here_

_What have I become?  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know  
Goes away in the end_

_You could have it all  
My empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt  
If I could start again  
A million miles away  
I would keep myself  
I would find a way_

She had become someone else. She had gone away. In the end, she had disappeared.

Nnoitora Jiruga was not sure why Neliel Tu Oderschvank held such an impact on his life, but she did. He had turned her into another person, and he remained where he was. He hurt himself, for it was the only thing that was real to him. She wasn't there; she wasn't real.

He wanted to kill it all, he wanted her memory to leave him, but he still remembered. He remembered the way she looked down upon him, he remembered the slight smile she held that one time, long ago, he remembered the light in her eyes as the sweat dripped down into them.

He remembered everything.

The feelings he had once held for her began to disappear as time went on. Time turned her into a child, time turned her into a faded, distant memory, a mere stain on his conscience. He remained in Las Noches. She had long since disappeared, but she remained in his memory.

He could not say what he had become, but he knew he was his only friend. He was the only one who understood, and he could not hope to ever find anyone else who understood as well.

Everyone would leave him in the end. He was sure. She had left him. He had made her leave.

He had made her hurt.

"Why do you kill them?" Neliel asked softly, her eyes calm, her posture betraying no emotion. She was steady, she was regal. Neliel was perfect, but he could not admit to it.

"They're fucking weak, Neliel. They don't deserve to live."

"Oh." For once, she left it at that. For some reason, she was not in the mood to pursue it, and to tell him he was wrong, which he was.

"They're just dirt. Nothing special." he scoffed, slightly hurt by how unimpressed she was by his empire of dirt. He had built it of the dead for he wished to show just how strong he was. He had to be strong if he could kill without remorse!

Most of all, he had done it for her. She could have had it all, she could have had him. She had had him long ago, and he could have had her.

He would make her hurt.

Her eyes slid closed as his teeth scraped across her bare shoulder. This action often elicited a soft mewl of delight, but this night she was silent.

"What's with you?" he demanded.

"I was just thinking." she admitted, her eyes opening.

"Thinking? About what? Why would you be thinking now?"

"I…" she trailed off and looked away. She wondered what would happen if she could start again, far from Las Noches, far from Nnoitora.

"Tell me, dammit."

"You wouldn't care." she sighed. She wished she could start again. She would keep herself, she would have herself, she would be okay. She would find her way.

"So?"

She kissed him then, and he knew that he would make her hurt. Those final seconds when she realized she would forget all of the things they had done would be the most painful.

As he cupped her hips in his hands he knew that she would make him hurt, too.

He knew the path he had taken was the most painful, and there was nothing he would ever do to change it.


	13. Only

_**Only**_

_I'm becoming less defined as days go by_

_Fading away_

_And well you might say_

_I'm losing focus_

_Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself_

_Sometimes I think I can see right through myself_

_Sometimes I can see right through myself_

_Less concerned about fitting into the world_

_Your world that is_

_Cause it doesn't really matter anymore_

_None of this really matters anymore_

_Yes I am alone but then again I always was_

_As far back as I can tell_

_I think maybe it's because_

_Because you were never really real to begin with_

_And I just made you up to hurt myself_

As days went by, Nnoitora felt that he was melting; he felt that his personality was drastically changing.

Really, he wasn't, but he felt like he was fading away. So little was changing, but he was losing focus. He saw himself from a distance; he felt removed from the terms in which he saw himself. Sometimes, he was transparent.

Those were the days he knew he was in love with Neliel Tu Oderschvank. He was not in love with the real Neliel, but the one in his head. She was the one he could dominate; she was the one he could order around.

He could care less about trying to fit into her world anymore. He never would, and his concern for that had long since dissipated into nothingness. All of the things he had done to impress the green-haired golden-eyed goddess meant nothing. All of those things mattered not.

All of the times he had killed to impress her meant nothing, for she was unimpressed. Just because she was gone did not mean she had never been real and he knew that.

He knew that _his_ Neliel had been the one he'd made up, and he'd only hurt himself in doing so. He knew he had been a fool for doing so, and he knew he would hurt himself.

She was gone, and he was truly alone. She was a kid, a fucking kid, and he was alone.

Then again, he always had been alone.

Neliel had never been real to begin with. He had never known the real Neliel. He had only made up a version in order to hurt himself.

What a fool he had been. He was alone. He had always been alone, but now it was for real.

He was alone. He was the only one.

He had always been alone, but now he always would be alone.

At least she had taught him that his killings meant nothing when it came to building his strength. After all, who would care if he killed ten thousand weaklings?

_Well the tiniest little dot caught my eye and it turned out to be a scab_

_And I had this funny feeling like I just knew it's something bad_

_I just couldn't leave it alone, I kept picking at the scab_

_It was a doorway trying to seal itself shut_

_But I climbed through_

_Now I am somewhere I am not supposed to be, and I can see things I know I really shouldn't see_

_And now I know why, now, now, now I know why_

_Things aren't as pretty_

_On the inside_

She knew she was not supposed to be where she was, but there was nothing she could do to help it. She was only a child, and the frustration was there in the beginning, when she could not even recall her name.

Something caught her eye. She turned her head, and saw the figure of Nnoitora disappearing into Las Noches. She wanted to know who it was. She knew he was someone bad, she knew that whatever mysterious thing had happened to her had been his fault, but she had to know just who he was.

"Who'th that guy?" she asked, causing her former fraccion to pale as much as they possibly could. "I…have to know," she murmured, running after the figure, clutching her face and broken mask, desperately trying to keep the blood from flowing.

"Nel!" the two fraccion cried, but she had already reached Nnoitora.

"Fucking pathetic." They heard him growl, as he held her at arm's length by her bleeding skull.

She knew she should not have been where she was, but she could catch a glimpse into Las Noches. It was not pretty, and she knew then why Nnoitora was not pretty inside. For a brief moment, she recalled everything about her time in Las Noches.

Then, her golden eyes shut, and she sank back into amnesia as Nnoitora flung her into a wall and left.

The former espada, reduced to a mere child, was lucky to have such loyal fraccion. It was something she had always taken pride in, for she had always taken such good care of them.

It was a shock to see that she was the only one.


	14. Terrible Lie

_**Terrible Lie**_

_Hey God_

_Why are you doing this to me?_

_Am I not living up to what I'm supposed to be?_

_Why am I seething with this animosity?_

_I think you owe me a great big apology._

He would never understand the terrible thing that had been done to him. Of all the people Nnoitora Jiruga could have been paired with, it had to be Neliel Tu Oderschvank.

Nnoitora wanted a huge apology from whoever the hell God was. He could not understand his animosity toward the beautiful tricero espada.

He could not understand why this had been done to him. She made him feel so inferior; she made him feel like nothing more than dirt. He wondered if he was supposed to be more.

Was he supposed to be living up to something more? He knew that he hated Neliel, but there was something more there. He did not want to ever think about what it was.

_Hey God_

_I really don't know what you mean._

_Seems like salvation comes only in our dreams._

_Can this world really be as sad as it seems?_

Neliel never understood why she was so drawn to Nnoitora, for their relationship wore on her more than she cared to reveal. She did not know what it all meant to her, or to Nnoitora, but she felt that salvation only came in their dreams.

Rarely she realized that salvation was nonexistent. She had troubles understanding exactly how hopeless she was, and just how futile her wishes for redemption were.

She did not know that all of her precious Aizen-sama's words and promises were just terrible lies.

In rare moments of lucidity, she knew that it was hopeless. Their world was sad, and it was exactly as it seemed.

She could not understand how she stood it.

_Hey God_

_There's nothing left for me to hide._

_I lost my ignorance, security and pride._

_I'm all alone in a world you must despise._

_I believed your promises, your promises and lies._

_You made me throw it all away._

_My morals left to decay._

_How many you betray._

_You've taken everything._

He had nothing to hide. There was nothing left, for she had moved on for the time being, on to new prospects. In the back of his mind, a voice told him that she'd be back one day, for their relationship ran deeper than either one cared to reveal.

He had lost his ignorance. Along with it had gone whatever shred of innocence he had had left.

He had lost his security. He knew that she could beat him, and he knew that she would continue to. He did not feel safe as long as she was still capable of fighting.

He had lost his pride. She had taken it away from him. He no longer held the pride that came with his power.

He was all alone in a world that whatever God watched them must have despised. How could he not? Nnoitora despised himself merely for the fact that he remained living in such a world, where a woman could stand above him on the battlefield. The fact that it was Neliel made it far worse.

He had never thought of her as stronger than him, but he had always thought of her as an equal, at the least. The simple fact that she treated him like dirt angered and upset him, and he wanted to throw everything away.

His morals decayed, and he no longer cared about using underhanded methods of destruction. When the time came, Neliel would be gone.

She had taken everything. She had taken everything of his, and he had thrown it all away, because of her. He wondered how many countless others she had betrayed.

_Terrible lie._

_My head is filled with disease._

_My skin is begging you please._

_I'm on my hands and knees._

_I want so much to believe._

_I really don't know who I am._

_In this world of piss_

_Don't take it away from me._

_I need you to hold on to._

_Don't take it away from me._

_I need someone to hold on to._

She followed him into _his_ quarters, her eyes dark with indistinguishable emotion. He thought she was lying to him when she told him she wanted him. It wouldn't be such a terrible lie.

He felt diseased as he fell to his hands and knees, his lone eye begging her. He felt his skin crawling with desire to possess her, and he felt it begging her. He crawled toward her, taking in her indifferent expression as she assessed him.

He wanted her; he needed her.

"Neliel…" he muttered, and she kneeled on the floor, taking his face in her hand.

"I'm here." She said softly, her lips finding his briefly. She felt his body shudder even though she only held his face.

Time seemed to fast forward until they were both undressed, and then it stood still.

She kissed him and kissed him until he was impaling her, and both gasped with pleasure.

His hands sought all of the tender spots, and she fought her urges to touch him in return, her hands instead settling for nestling in his hair.

She did not know who she was anymore. He did not know who he was, either. It didn't even matter, really, for it was a world of piss. He wanted to believe, but he knew it was worthless.

He needed her to hold on to, but she was gone when it was over. She was always gone when their bodies had separated, but he needed her to hold on to.

He would never have her to hold on to once he had finished with his plan. He would only have the memory, and that was never enough.

Nnoitora Jiruga needed Neliel Tu Oderschvank.


	15. Right Where It Belongs

_**Right Where It Belongs**_

_See the animal in its cage that you built_

_Are you sure what side you're on_

_Better not look him too closely in the eye_

_Are you sure what side of the glass you are on_

_See the safety of the life you have built_

_Everything where it belongs_

_Feel the hollowness inside of your heart_

_And it's all_

_Right where it belongs_

_What if everything around you_

_Isn't quite as it seems_

_What if all the world you think you know_

_Is an elaborate dream_

_And if you look at your reflection_

_Is it all you wanted to be?_

_What if you could look right through the cracks_

_Would you find yourself_

_Find yourself afraid to see?_

_What if all the world's inside of your heart_

_Just creations of your own_

_Your devils and your gods_

_All the living and the dead_

_And you really are alone_

_You can live in this illusion_

_You can choose to believe_

_You keep looking but you can't find the words_

_Are you hiding in the dreams?_

_What if all the world you used to know_

_Is an elaborate dream?_

Her eyes found Nnoitora. She had him trapped in a cage she had built. It was invisible to the naked eye, and especially to him, but she knew it was there.

She could not deny how hollow her heart felt.

Neliel Tu Oderschvank found it hard to look Nnoitora too closely in the eye. She looked at him, but it was rare that she met his eye. She did not want to see inside, she did not want to know what he felt or thought.

She did not want to question just which side she was on. She was either on his side, or her own.

Everything was right where it belonged. She had built up her life with safety in mind. She could feel her heart's hollowness, the inside of it becoming shelled out. She felt coldness building in her, but she knew she was still warm and had some semblance of a heart.

Whether or not it was soft was the question. Most hollows did not possess a heart, and simply to have one was an anomaly. Whether or not it was soft made no difference. Neliel's was hardened, and hollow from the inside. She could not deny that.

The things around Neliel were not always what they seemed. She pretended that Nnoitora was exactly as he seemed, her lies so convincing that she believed them herself. The world she thought she knew was only a dream. It was quite elaborate, but Neliel was a born liar.

Her golden eyes could seek out her reflection in the cold, honest glass of the mirror and tell her it was what she wanted to see. She was everything she wanted to be.

Her hand pressed against the glass, feeling the cracks it held and leaving a slight, steamy imprint.

She could not look through the cracks. She was already afraid to see. She was afraid to see the green-haired monster that she had become.

Neliel did not become a monster through physical brutality, but the mental warfare in which she waged with Nnoitora.

She was afraid to see the truth through the lies that she had skillfully and artfully created. She did not want to see the true Neliel Tu Oderschvank, but the one that she had twisted and kneaded herself. She did not like the way she was born, so she set out to destroy Nnoitora Jiruga.

She was born a liar. She could not say for sure whether Neliel Tu Oderschvank was her real name, but she had made herself believe that it was.

It was not what she wanted to be, but it was who she was.

The whole world was inside her heart. She had created it, all of her devils and all of her gods. The living and the dead were just creations. She was alone.

She hated to believe that she was alone in a world she had created, so she made up people to go with her assumed personality.

She liked to dream that Nnoitora was different. She liked to dream that she was different.

In her world, Nnoitora was romantic, and she was shy and sweet. She lived for her illusions, for they were better than the reality in which she lived.

She could live in her illusion, but she hated to live in her reality. She lied to herself and said that both of her worlds were one, but she knew it was not so. She lied so convincingly that sometimes she believed it was true.

She could not find the words to describe her worlds. She chose to believe in what she thought was real, for she believed in it. If she did not believe, it could not be real.

She may not have been real herself, for all she knew.

She chose to hide in her dreams. When Nnoitora spoke to her, and she did not answer, she was kilometers away, in a dream. She held tight to her elaborate dreams, and she hid in them.

The world she used to know could have just been a dream.

She made everything all up, so it was probably so. Neliel hated to think of the truth, for her illusions were far superior to everything she knew in her real life.

Even so, she knew that one day her dreams would all come crashing to bloody and painful halts.

--

_(A/N: This is probably my favorite part of this series, which I will be ending soon so that these stories don't all start to look the same. I'll do…five more songs and an epilogue/extra chapter thing? _

_Well, anyway, the reason I put this song to Neliel is because the first time I heard it, on my way back from Indiana, it reminded me of her. It wasn't even the lyrics, because it starts out with a simple piano melody. But, when I looked up the lyrics, and listened to it like ten more times, I realized that this song is so Neliel. Yeah, I know it's weird, and you might disagree with me. Or, you might agree. _

_I'm in love with this song though. I definitely recommend listening to it, even if you're not a fan of NIN. It's amazing. And if you have heard it, well, that's epic win! _

_Anyway, I guess I'm making up for my absence by posting so many updates, but what can I say? I'm a born writer._

_Do something really awesome for me now! Review please! It will cheer me up! Thank you for reading!) _


	16. All The Love In The World

All The Love In The World

_**All The Love In The World**_

_Watching all the insects march along_

_Seem to know just right where they belong_

_Smears of face reflecting in the chrome_

_Hiding in the crowd I'm all alone_

_No one's heard a single word I've said_

_They don't sound as good outside my head_

_It looks as though the past is here to stay_

_I've become a million miles a..._

_All the jagged edges disappear_

_Colors all look brighter when you're near_

_The stars are all afire in the sky_

_Sometimes I get so lonely I could..._

_Why do you get all the love in the world?_

_Why do you get all the love?_

His lone eye followed the trail of insects marching along, their tiny feet making no imprint in the sand. Naturally, they were all hollow. It seemed to him as though they knew where they belonged. He found himself consumed in jealousy, needing to know that there was somewhere to belong when there was not.

The smears of his face reflected in the shards of a broken mirror, similar to chrome and acquired in the living world, did not justify the way he felt. He looked the same as he always had, and nothing had changed. He felt so alone, but there was no sign. He sighed, adjusting his eye patch as he rose to leave his room.

Neliel found Nnoitora in the desert, watching the line of insects march past him, sighing softly to herself. No one had heard a word she had ever said. Nothing passed through her lips and sunk into anyone's brain.

She admitted to herself that none of the words she let fall from her lips sounded good when spoken. Everything sounded better inside of her head, but once spoken, the value fell from it in her eyes. She closed her eyes and turned her face away, caught in the past. It was impossible to change, and it seemed that it was all they had to cling to.

Her eyes sought the sky, and his eye followed her face's ascent. Everything was brighter now that she was near. Everything was softer, smoother, and there were no more jagged edges. He hated to think of the reason why that could be, and he hated it that he wondered if she felt it too.

She would never lie to herself about her feelings, and her feelings mirrored his. She saw her face flash before her eyes, and she forced her eyelids down upon the orbs. She could not bear to see how the moonlight accented every good feature of her face.

She could not bear to think about how it all affected Nnoitora. She felt so guilty for manipulating him, while she reveled in her power.

The pinpoints of stars in the sky caught Nnoitora's attention. Never before had he seen stars in the sky, and they all seemed to be aflame. Even though Neliel was right next to him, he felt unbearably lonely. He hated the fact that he needed her; he hated the fact that she got all the love in the hollow world.

She looked far away under the glare of the harshly curved crescent moon, the symbol that meant so much to them, the symbol that bound them together somehow. Neliel's double crescent meant so much to Nnoitora for it was everything he strived for. His single crescent symbolized his inferiority, and the need to surpass Neliel.

He was a million miles away as he thought of all the ways he could defeat Neliel, and gain the second half of his crescent. Once he had that, he knew he could become her equal, and more. He hated the fact that she was superior, and he always had.

He knew he could defeat her, but he had a lot to learn from her, first.


	17. Capital G

_**Capital G**_

_Don't try to tell me that some power can corrupt a person_

_You hadn't had enough to know what it's like_

_You're only angry cause you wish you were in my position_

_Now nod your head cause you know that I'm right, alright!_

_Well I used to stand for something_

_But forgot what that could be_

_There's a lot of me inside you_

_Maybe you're afraid to see_

"You can't tell me that and expect me to believe you." Neliel's tone was firm and decisive. Her eyes narrowed coldly. "You haven't had enough power. You don't know what it's like." Her chin was held high, adding a derisive sniff to emphasize her point.

"Neither do you, bitch!" he snarled in defense.

She knew perfectly well exactly why he was angry. "You only wish you held my status. That is the root of your anger, your animosity. You know that you're weaker than I, and you know that you can never reach my rank." Her voice reeked of dominance. She knew she was right, and that was the sole reason she spoke her words.

Neliel Tu Oderschvank was a being of perfection. It was the way she felt, and the way she carried herself with every being ranked below her. She intentionally avoided the upper ranks, for she knew they would see through her superiority complex, and know what she really was.

She was powerful, and she knew it well, but somehow she could not keep the feeling of inadequacy away. She made herself believe that it was the fault of Nnoitora that she was that way.

Nnoitora could not stand Neliel, but he saw who she was exactly. He saw all of the flaws that she hid from herself.

"You're a lot like me, Neliel." He growled up at her from his submissive position, nearly sprawled prone on the sand.

"I doubt that." She scoffed, her tone betraying her thoughts. Nnoitora was not even close to being in her class.

"Yer just afraid to see." Nnoitora's nose wrinkled as he glared up at her with his lone eye. "But yer weak like me."

She turned away, wondering that Nnoitora ever stood for something.

They had both forgotten what that could be.


	18. Something I Can Never Have

_**Something I Can Never Have**_

_I still recall the taste of your tears._

_Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears._

_My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore._

_Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore._

_You make this all go away._

_I'm down to just one thing._

_And I'm starting to scare myself_

_I just want something I can never have_

_You always were the one to show me how_

_Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now._

_This thing is slowly taking me apart._

_Grey would be the color if I had a heart._

_In this place it seems like such a shame._

_Though it all looks different now,_

_I know it's still the same_

_Everywhere I look you're all I see._

_Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be._

He could taste her tears, the tears that formed in her eyes directly after seeing her fraccion, devoid of masks. He remembered the taste, even after all of the years that had passed.

Her tears had echoed her voice; the pain and distress clear in her strained tone. He could tell she was attempting to ebb the flow of her tears. The salty sweetness of those tears lingered on his tongue.

He still dreamt of her on a nightly basis. The dreams washed over Nnoitora's body until his dreams consisted only of Neliel, and he no longer wanted to sleep. He spent long nights sitting out in the sands of Hueco Mundo, not far from the great dome of Las Noches, staring up at the moon to pass the time.

She made his loneliness disappear. She made him everything he ever was, and she pushed his worst traits away. Everything returned when she irritated him, but she made the dreams go away. She made everything go away, but he could no longer have her.

There was only one thing left for him, and that was to gain more power. Sometimes, it was scary just how fast his strength increased, but he reveled in it. What scared him the most was how he dwelled on Neliel. She was gone; she was as good as dead in his eye.

She used to show him how to fight, when they had just become vasto lorde. She used to show him everything he knew, and more. She showed him how to do everything. In those days, he could not do the things that Aizen had granted him the power to do. He owed a lot to that shinigami traitor.

He wanted Neliel so badly that she was all he dreamt about, and all he ever wanted. He could never have her, not at the state she was in. He was sure he would never see her again, but he was lost in the memories of her, and regret for doing the things he had done.

He left her alive so that one day, he could challenge her again. That plan had been destroyed by her sudden, pathetic reversion to the form of a child. He laughed at how pathetic she was while inwardly he cringed.

The feelings that had long ago begun building within him swelled until he thought he would begin to crack from within. It was breaking him apart, and he found it hard to breathe. He acted as though nothing had ever happened, but inwardly he was lost.

Nnoitora liked to imagine that he had a heart, and that long ago, maybe even before becoming a hollow, it had turned gray. He felt nothing, but he knew he was pretending.

He found her again, the small brat he had turned her into. Her amnesia irritated the hell out of him. He wanted to crush her; he wanted to destroy her.

The surprising bit was her spontaneous return to her original, adult form. It seemed like such a shame to fight her in the very place he had defeated her before. She did not remember, but he did. It all looked different, but he knew that it was exactly the same, no matter what anyone said.

He only saw her. She was everywhere he looked, even though she was physically in only one of those places. She served to remind him of who he had been in the past, and what he felt he had evolved from.

He wasn't anything close to what he had been.

What he wanted was no longer something he could not have.

What he wanted the most was for Neliel's true and final defeat, the knowledge that she would never rise to make him fall again.


	19. Mr Self Destruct

_**Mr. Self Destruct**_

_I am the voice inside your head_

_And I control you_

_I am the lover in your bed_

_And I control you_

_I am the sex that you provide_

_And I control you_

_I am the hate you try to hide_

_And I control you_

_I take you where you want to go_

_I give you all you need to know_

_I drag you down I use you up_

_I am denial guilt and fear_

_And I control you_

_I am the lie that you believe_

_And I control you_

_I am the high you can't sustain_

_And I control you_

_I am the need you have for more_

_And I control you_

_I am the truth from which you run_

_And I control you_

_I am the silencing machine_

_And I control you_

_I am the end of all your dreams_

_And I control you_

She controlled every aspect of his life. From behind the scenes, she pulled every last string she could get her hands upon.

Her words reverberated—a track set to repeat—within his head.

Her body spread out in his bed, long limbs covered by silky black sheets. Her languid motions enticed Nnoitora. He had to have Neliel.

She controlled him from within his very own bed. She manipulated his mind, using sex as a switch. One moment she could make him angry by denying him, and in the next she filled him with ecstasy by kissing him passionately.

She was the essence of sex. Her body was filled with passion, and every little thing that made a man lust.

He was the hate that she tried to hide. She hated herself for her inadequacy. She should have become the primero, but she was trapped at third place, third best. Her superiority complex stemmed from that, and Nnoitora's inferiority complex stemmed from her complex, and her self-loathing. He controlled her with his hate, but he was oblivious.

She took him where he wanted to go. She brought him battle after battle, and still it wasn't enough.

She gave him everything he needed to know. She told him every bit of knowledge she owned, and still, it wasn't enough.

She dragged him down to her depths, showing him just who she was, though he was blind to everything she displayed. She used him up until he was nothing but a dried up and bitter walking corpse, dead like her.

She was denial at its worst. She could deny anything. She had never been weak; she had never been anything but what she presently was. The past meant nothing to her. The past was dead and gone.

She was the epitome of guilt. She did not look guilty, nor act guilty, nor feel guilty, but there was underlying guilt. There was fear. She feared many things, but none of them included Nnoitora.

She controlled him with all of these things that she shared with him.

She was the high he desperately searched for in battle. He could never sustain such a high. He could never achieve anything quite as euphoric as her. He knew this, and he knew the control she held over him.

He needed more, and she embodied that need. She was the truth, her words digging in and causing him to lash out. His version of running was retaliating to her words, the words that controlled him, and made him her pet.

He imagined her calling him 'Pet-sama' behind his back.

She silenced him with her force. Her will was enough to drop him to his knees. She controlled him with a flick of her wrist.

He was the end of all her dreams.

With a simple strike to her head, he had ended her dreams.

He had assumed control over Neliel.


	20. That's What I Get

_**That's What I Get**_

_Just when everything was making sense._

_You took away all my self-confidence._

_That's what I get_

_How could you turn me into this?_

_After you just taught me how to kiss…you._

_I told you I'd never say goodbye._

_That's what I get._

_For trusting you._

_Why does it come as a surprise_

_To think that I was so naïve_

_Maybe didn't mean that much._

_But it meant everything to me._

Everything had begun to make sense between Nnoitora and Neliel. She hardly admitted openly that she was in love with Nnoitora, and he had come to terms with his feelings. He personally did not think such feelings were becoming of a man like him, but he had realized there was nothing else he could do.

The thing that ruined him, and his self-confidence was Neliel, in the end, and the beginning. She had become the tricero espada, and he had been placed _five _ranks below her. She had turned him into a monster, seeking only to destroy everything above him so that _he_ could be the strongest.

He found himself thinking that was his punishment for admitting to his love, even if it was only to himself.

He wished Neliel had never turned him into what he was. He couldn't understand it. How could she have?

Her hand cupped his face, and for the first time, his lips were drawn to another pair of lips…_hers…_He couldn't believe the explosive feeling of excitement as she slowly, gently taught him how to please her with a kiss. Neliel had taught him everything he wanted to know about a kiss, for he never intended to kiss anyone but her.

She had once told him, long ago, that she would never say goodbye—that she could never say goodbye. He scoffed at himself for trusting her. He knew her too well; he knew her lying ways.

The thing he could not fathom was how her would be betrayal was such a bombshell to him. He had been so naïve to trust her and he had not thought of the possible repercussions.

She had said maybe to him before. Not as often as yes or no, but it had passed through her lips. Maybe meant so much to him, despite the fact that it held so little value to Neliel.

Maybe was never a lie. Maybe was the promise that perhaps Neliel wouldn't take to lying again.

He cursed his naivety, and ended it by saying the goodbye that Neliel had promised never to say by way of blade hurtling through flesh and bone.

It was the perfect means to an end in Nnoitora's viewpoint.

His viewpoint had never meant much to Neliel.


	21. Nails

_(The unrelated last chapter. Irrelevant? Maybe. It's only relevance is the title, and I doubt it draws everything together. And why should it? Well, enjoji.)_

_**Nails**_

Her nails shone like the moon. Her nails were filed to sparkling perfection.

Even after leaving long trails of blood down Nnoitora's back, tearing through his prized hierro, they remained perfect.

Her nails were cut to hurt him.

He knew this, as did she. Her regality was based on her physical superiority.

Sometimes, late at night, he would wake to a dream-clouded vision of Neliel's shining nails sparkling on his windowsill, signifying that soon, her body was to follow.

Sometimes, late at night, she did appear.

Those were the nights he woke up screaming.

Her eyes were always disinterested, as they looked up and down his lanky, naked, hyperventilating form, his covers cast aside.

Her nails tapped upon the wood of his dresser, the taps becoming deafening thunderclaps within Nnoitora's brain.

Her bare feet made no such sound, and he wondered that she even moved.

Her nails glimmered in the light; they caught his eye.

Sometimes he wished she were as beautiful as she made her nails. He secretly loved the perfect sheen and shape of her nails, nearly always hidden by immaculate white gloves.

She was nothing like them. She did not even strive to be.

She could be broken, unlike those nails.

She did not shine like those nails.

She was not sharp. She was not cruel. She was kind, loving, and altogether weak.

She was weaker than him mentally, and yet physically stronger.

He hated that.

And yet, there was absolutely nothing he could do to change his fate, and the fact that despite her imperfections, he still loved her.

The thing he hated the most about her nails was the fact that they ripped through his hierro, leaving garish red trails.

Nothing was supposed to be able to cut him, especially not her fingernails.

And yet, he bled, and he was cut.

He hated those fingernails, yet their beauty astounded him, and made him love her somehow.

Even when they were covered in sheen of his blood, they still shone through with their glorious beauty.

Those nails dug into his skin, holding him stock still, unable to move, think, or feel.

The only thing he could feel were the pinpricks of pain dappling his skin, the root of which were her nails digging into his skin.

Someday, he wished to separate those perfect nails from her skin as a keepsake, when finally, he defeated her.

-End


End file.
